Your Weight Loss Mindset pt 1: F**k You for Judging Me May 20, 2009
Posted by jamieatlas in fitness, Health, nutrition, personal trainer, weight loss, worlds biggest loser.Tags: biggest loser, fatloss, goalsetting for weightloss, lose fat, losing weight, mindset, weight loss, weightloss
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Wow. I just got out of a personal training session with one of my newer clients and am kinda fired up right now… So against my better judgment I am just going to write this one ‘from the hip’, so to speak.
If you know judgment, then you know your human instinct is to avoid drawing attention to that particular shortcoming/challenge
I have a client who has been focused on weight loss for a while now and has not found great results. We spoke at depth today about her progress and through a few teary moments we uncovered that although Susan B (my client) knew psychologically what she should be doing, she wasn’t following the plan and as a result her weight loss wasn’t happening the way it could be.
Here’s the psychological challenge my client is facing:
She was having trouble at social gatherings because she felt self-conscious. She also felt like if she ordered something smaller or didnt have a glass of wine with her friends/whichever group she was at dinner with, that she would be drawing attention to the fact that she has weight to lose. Therefore, she would continue to order things that were ‘off the plan’ so to speak, virtually kneecaping her own improvement.
Catch 22:
If she makes the choices that will lead to her losing the weight she draws attention to the fact that she has weight to lose.
So what did I say in my completely unqualified psychologist (but very qualified personal trainer) mode?
You know what?
If a person is going to think less of you because you have weight to lose, then f**k them.
They don’t know who you are, and if they are going to think less of you because you are trying to improve yourself, then f**k them right in the a** with an awkwardly shaped implement of some kind (I told you I was kind of fired up).
She kinda liked that. So did I. So we agreed on a new strategy. Next time she is at a social event choosing what to eat or drink or next time she goes on a walk, if she feels judged by ANYONE for even a second, she is going to think/say under her breath:
f**k you for judging me.
I know it isn’t exactly coming from a place of love, but you know what? If it helps you reclaim your own path and gets you in the right mindset of focusing on the support you have rather than the support you don’t get and the way society judges people for being overweight, then so be it.
What matters most is not that we are overweight, but that we have recognized it and are doing something about it. It is something to be supported, much like if we realize we are disorganized, have poor dress sense or are shy about speaking in public.
If you realize you don’t like where you are and make a decision and start taking action to change it, then that deserves more applause than anything – no matter how small that first step may be.
So embrace your own decisions to take action and disregard the opinions of those that judge you for trying to make change.
I know my client Susan B is going to.
Yours in health,
Jamie Atlas
P.S. I will post soon on the second strategy she is also going to implement, one that I call ‘the combover’. It is my personal favorite weight loss strategy because it gets at the core of how we start to change.
AMEN for saying “screw you” to people that hate/judge…life is too freakin’ short to worry about what others’ think…I know this because i’ve lived that way for most of my life…nowadays, I really could give a rat’s as*! See, i’m pottymouth talkin’ in cyberspace and really don’t care! Those who judge are most often those who have issues within themselves that they need to address.
Keep it up, Jamie!
Thanks Sarah! I got pretty fired up seeing my client cry because she had felt so judged by those around her (family included!) I think lots of us have the knowledge on how to lose weight, we just get sidetracked by what other people think or advice they give us not really understanding our own situations the way we do. We just need to have the courage to stand up and say ‘I don’t care what you think of me, I am doing this and the only one who can stop me from doing this… is me!’ Of course, it then becomes up to us to do it. But I would rather try and fail than fail to try because of fear of judgment. Look, there I go again
WOw, this jsut makes me ten times more grateful for the people I have in my life supporting me, encouraging me and cheering me on. Makes it easier to say “F*%K You to those that don’t. And believe me I do…
One other thing I did…I took a hiatus from some friends….not that they wouldnt be supportive or aren’t but the environment of alcohol and food at every gathering was not…sooo instead of hanging with them, I went to the gym! Not forever, just until I had my habits securely formed…now I can go and not feel overwhelmed with the choices I get to make about what I will eat or drink!
Awesome words of wisdom Kim! Thanks for your comment. Choosing to go to a healthy environment instead of somewhere that threatens to derail us is an excellent choice – of course that doesn’t mean we don’t get to see our friends, just not at social events whcih work against your greater goals
Thanks again!
I just thought of the by product of the above hiatus. When my friends realized why I wasn’t hanging out so much with them anymore…suddenly healthy options started appearing for snacks! They wanted ME more than they wanted the taco cheese dip! And, some of them wanted to go to the gym with me…(I don’t let very many people do this, so I politely declined that….but…they started working out more too anyway!)
[...] weightloss, lose fat, losing weight, mindset, weight loss, weightloss trackback So after I posted pt1: F**k you for judging me, I had a few requests to show pt2 of the new weight loss mindset I am recommending to my clients: [...]
Awesome post! Just the kind of attitude some people need to develop in order to get where they want to be.
such a good person and bad ass trainer-
Well shucks! Thanks for the compliment! Probably one of the few times i have been called a ‘bad ass’ – does this mean I should go get a leather jacket and a tattoo that says ‘born to burn lactate’…
We spend way too much time worrying about what other people think. In all probability, they rarely think at all, about anything or anyone. Stop apologizing for your weight, try to make good choices and move on.
[...] http://jamieatlas.wordpress.com/2009/05/20/your-weight-loss-mindset-pt-1-fk-you-for-judging-me/ [...]
I have been dieting for 3 months and have lost 26 pounds – and I’m happy with my progress. But I have a long way to go – another 40 pounds! And I won’t step foot in a gym – because I feel ike I will be judged, snickered at, and be put down – even though I’m the person who needs to be there the most. And the “f**k you for judging me” just isn’t enough for me to step foot in the gym. So I find alternative ways to exercise, and I think I can use the “f**k you for judging me” in other circmustances where I don’t feel so intimidated by others.
Man – I sound like such a wimp. And that’s odd/funny – because I usually have a bold and outspoken personality.
Elby, thank you so much for your post! I am constantly meeting people who feel the same way about the challenges faced by trying to get in shape – the angst around going to the gym is worldwide – you are in good company. If the FUFJM (short version of ‘f**k you for judging me’ isn’t enough to get you into a gym then I am glad you can use it in other situations. Keep me posted as to what useful things you find it applicable for!
Good luck with the rest of your health journey – it sounds like you are on the right track!
I think everyone’s missing the point here – its very doubtful that anyone is really judging Susan B or looking down on her….people just dont care that much. (typically people ADMIRE and are drawn to people who work to improve themselves) The problem is within HER. She FEELS less than and she’s projecting that on to the people around her. Thats what she needs to focus on & deal with – the problem within that she can correct (self-esteem), not on what other people think or do because she has no control over that whatsoever. Your FUFJM concept is just enabling her to shift the blame for her low self-esteem on to others instead of taking responsibility for herself. Seriously, when you won’t go to the gym because you’re feeling too fat? That exists only in YOUR headspace, trust me, no one at the gym cares….they only care how THEY look.
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