Weight Loss Mindset pt2: Don’t Be that Combover Guy/Girl May 22, 2009

So after I posted pt1:  F**k you for judging me, I had a few requests to show pt2 of the new weight loss mindset I am recommending to my clients:  Don’t Be that Combover Guy/Girl.

But what’s in a Combover?

If you think about it for a second, what do you think when you see a combover?  In Japan they call it ‘bar code hair’ (for obvious but slightly humorous reasons).

You may not have the same problem with your hair. But how common is this approach when it comes to addressing our weight loss goals?

Now, let me say this right off the bat.  If you want to lose weight then you have a choice to make.  Eat the right things or eat the wrong things.  You can try to convince yourself that a bran muffin is good for you, but the truth is you are still eating cake for breakfast.  End of story.  If you are going to take the minute out of your life to read this, know that I write this for those who honestly want to lose weight but have trouble making the decisions they KNOW to be right.

Let me roll back to the conversation that started all this with Susan B – we talked about not giving the power to people that might judge us (of course, I said this in a less savory manner in the pt1 post).  But next was the fact that when it came to attending social gatherings Susan felt she had to eat similar things than other people or risk drawing attention to herself and being judged by others in regards to her weight loss attempt.

Catch 22 (once again):

By ordering the same ice cream/glass of wine as our friends in a social gathering, we reduce the chance of drawing attention to ourselves and our potential weight problem.

But by ordering something different we draw attention to ourselves and have worry that other people will notice it and suddenly look at us differently.

You know where I am coming from.  You have ordered a food because other people are enjoying that food.  But of course, this puts you in a situation where you feel conflicted – you want to be true to your plan, but you feel other people will look at you and it will highlight the fact that you are trying to lose weight, because you are overweight and inferior (somehow) to them.

Here’s what I say.  The guy who is losing his hair should just shave it off.  He should just flaunt his hair loss and embrace it -Wear his shiny noggin with pride, like Captain Picard:

Ahh, Picard. Tell me this guy doesn't embody the image of a proud bald man.

Let’s put it this way.

If you have a significant amount of weight to lose and you find yourself in a situation where you have a decision to make, choose the healthy decision and announce it to all.

Don’t hide your healthy choice, embrace it and exhibit it.  Don’t act as if you don’t recognize you have a few pounds to lose.

Some things to say:

Man, that donut sure looks good, but the gang at Weight Watchers would go crazy if I told them I ate that.  You enjoy it for me and tell me how good it is after it’s gone.

If you want to pull medical authority into it:

My doctor asked me to try laying off things with sugar/fat/things that make your heart stop.  I mean, it wouldn’t help me to eat that, right?

At which point the people in your group will say things like ‘no, you don’t have any weight to lose’ and at which point you can say ‘well thanks for saying that but I know I’m not where I should be.  If I eat something like a double thickshake with whipped cream then I wont be doing myself any favors, that’s for sure’.

At which point they will feel bad for eating ice cream in front of you.  But that’s not your problem.  It’s theirs.  Let them deal with their problems and you with yours.

Last but not least, you can just straight out lie:

Oh man, I would love to have me some of those chitluns, but truth be told I’m trying to lose weight and that isn’t exactly on my approved food list.  You enjoy though – you can eat stuff like that, I can’t – not right now, anyway.

By embracing our plan and our intention we encourage support for our efforts, not pity.  So accept that people know you are overweight.  Don’t try to hide it or talk around it.  Grab that fat and say to your friends and family “see this?  It’s called fat, and I have more of it than I want.  But I am trying to get rid of it by eating healthy and exercising.  So don’t expect me to go with you to joe’s deep fry shack anytime soon, ok?’

By being the Picard and not the Combover you show your strength, your desire.  You also put yourself in a position where people know you are trying to change.  You won’t get positive support from everyone, but who knows, you might just find support from different people in the most unlikely of places.

Accept that you are in a certain place.  You don’t have to accept being in that place.

But above all, let people know that you know they know.  And then they will know that you know they know. Which gives you freedom to make healthy choices without guilt or fear of judgment of your character.

And now you know

Yours in health,

Jamie Atlas

P.S.  I will post soon on the third and final strategy she is also going to implement, one that I call ‘the seizure’.  This one addresses the moments that make a difference in world and how we can harness them for great change over time.

To view pt1 of this article click here

If you want to make sure you see part 3 of this blog article the second I post it you can always subscribe by clicking here.

Your Weight Loss Mindset pt 1: F**k You for Judging Me May 20, 2009

Wow.  I just got out of a personal training session with one of my newer clients and am kinda fired up right now…  So against my better judgment I am just going to write this one ‘from the hip’, so to speak.

If you know judgment, then you know your human instinct is to avoid drawing attention to that particular shortcoming/challenge

I have a client who has been focused on weight loss for a while now and has not found great results.  We spoke at depth today about her progress and through a few teary moments we uncovered that although Susan B (my client) knew psychologically what she should be doing, she wasn’t following the plan and as a result her weight loss wasn’t happening the way it could be.

Here’s the psychological challenge my client is facing:

She was having trouble at social gatherings because she felt self-conscious.  She also felt like if she ordered something smaller or didnt have a glass of wine with her friends/whichever group she was at dinner with, that she would be drawing attention to the fact that she has weight to lose.  Therefore, she would continue to order things that were ‘off the plan’ so to speak, virtually kneecaping her own improvement.

Catch 22:

If she makes the choices that will lead to her losing the weight she draws attention to the fact that she has weight to lose.

So what did I say in my completely unqualified psychologist (but very qualified personal trainer) mode?

You know what? 

If a person is going to think less of you because you have weight to lose, then f**k them.

They don’t know who you are, and if they are going to think less of you because you are trying to improve yourself, then f**k them right in the a** with an awkwardly shaped implement of some kind (I told you I was kind of fired up).

She kinda liked that.  So did I.  So we agreed on a new strategy.  Next time she is at a social event choosing what to eat or drink or next time she goes on a walk, if she feels judged by ANYONE for even a second, she is going to think/say under her breath:

f**k you for judging me.

I know it isn’t exactly coming from a place of love, but you know what?  If it helps you reclaim your own path and gets you in the right mindset of focusing on the support you have rather than the support you don’t get and the way society judges people for being overweight, then so be it.

What matters most is not that we are overweight, but that we have recognized it and are doing something about it.  It is something to be supported, much like if we realize we are disorganized, have poor dress sense or are shy about speaking in public.

If you realize you don’t like where you are and make a decision and start taking action to change it, then that deserves more applause than anything – no matter how small that first step may be.

So embrace your own decisions to take action and disregard the opinions of those that judge you for trying to make change.

I know my client Susan B is going to.

Yours in health,

Jamie Atlas

P.S.  I will post soon on the second strategy she is also going to implement, one that I call ‘the combover’.  It is my personal favorite weight loss strategy because it gets at the core of how we start to change.

If you want to make sure you see part 2 of this blog article the second I post it you can always subscribe by clicking here.